One of the most common questions that comes up when we talk about relationships is, "how do I know that he / she is the ‘one’?" I think we’ve all asked the question of whether someone is our ‘one’ at some point, so today we’re going to be looking at what the Bible says about this, and how to choose your bae wisely!
Asking the question of whether you are dating the ‘one’ actually comes out of a place of fear; fear of failure that you won’t be able to make your relationship work. So if that comes from a place of fear we need to take it a step back to a place of fearless and ask ourselves a question ‘how does God see me?’ In the Bible it tells us that if you are a Christian here that God sees you as a son or a daughter adopted into his family. A friend of mine Dan Blythe said something that in a preach once that I love about this subject. He said “We have been adopted into the ultimate royal family, as princes and princesses of the King of Kings. Now, when it comes to relationships, royalty don’t settle for anything other than royalty. So why would we, as members of God’s royal family, settle for anyone who’s not also in God’s royal family? Just remember, ‘bae ain’t bae if bae don’t pray’!
What Is Dating?
When we are dating we are seeing whether him or her are compatible to yourself and vice-versa. The thing we want to discover more about when dating is the persons character, to see if they have been born again (John3:3-8). Does this person share the same desire to more like Christ (Phillipians2:5). Does this person want a relationship where Jesus is bang slap in the middle of it? Does this person push you closer to Jesus or does this person push you away from him?
Have you ever heard someone say my boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, they are everything to me! Are they your everything? One thing we want to make sure when you are dating is that your boyfriend or girlfriend love Jesus more than they love you. That might sound crazy! But lets look at what the Bible says.
In Matthew 10:37 it says:
37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."
Now this bible verse is talking about a mother, father, son or daughter, but lets take that verse and put it to relationships.
“Anyone who loves their boyfriend or girlfriend more than me is not worthy of me.”
Another question that we can often ask is ‘How Young Is Too Young?’
Now this can vary from person to person. Maybe a 17 year old is mature enough to start dating before a 25 year old.
Are you mature enough?
There will be people in this room who will say yes and some who say no, but you need to be honest about it to yourself. Maybe pray about it and ask God for wisdom
James 1:5
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”
Why not ask your Discipler. If you haven’t got one let me encourage you to find someone, find someone who is slightly further down the line with their Christian walk, someone who has more life experience. Maybe that is a youth leader or someone who you are already close to at church, but why should you get advice from other Christians? What does the Bible say?
In Proverbs 12:15 it says;
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”
It might be hard to hear their advice, but let them speak into your life. Is it vulnerable…yes! But they are pushing you towards Jesus and are looking after your heart. Start thinking about the future as well, start thinking about University and if that is something you are interested in. Start thinking what is God calling me in life. If he is calling you to be a missionary in Africa and you were to date someone who is adamant that they are staying in Hastings then you need to rethink that, what is God calling you too?
In a relationships you are both very vulnerable to temptation. As emotions begin to develop, the attraction deepens and hormones kick in, the enemy uses this is a weapon. When we get to this point the enemy can use our vulnerability and temptation, mix it in with what the world says a relationship is all about and if we aren’t rooted in Christ and the foundations are secure then we are in for a rocky ride. In a time of life where we are learning more about what a relationship should be in the eyes of the world thanks to Instagram we become more vulnerable, we become more fearful and we feel more pressure of what a relationship should be like. How secure are you to Christ?
Like I said at the beginning dating is the beginning of seeing if a person is marriage material and if you aren’t even considering marriage then maybe you shouldn’t date. Why risk the temptation in the long haul when you could focus on your relationship with God now.
No matter when a person decides to start dating whether that be 15 years old or 50 years old, the timing should always be on a foundation of faith, knowing who they are in Christ and with the person finding out what God is calling them to do. We all know the verse in the middle and it gets used a lot with youth work, but I think this is key to relationships.
A quick practical point, before we end is we all have the ultimate partner. Maybe for you its blue eyes, brown hair, 5 foot 7 inches, interested in video games and sushi whilst loving make up and fashion, but not loving the winter and loving dogs and has muscles and knows every word of the bible in every translation and every language. We have a massive list and if they don’t hit every single thing I want the checklist can be unachievable. You wont find a ‘perfect’ person. You wont find the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, but remember that if they love Jesus then that is the ultimate call of their life. Of course you need to be sexually attracted to them as well as having a deep emotional connection, but something to think about when looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
1 Timothy 4:12
12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
Set the example to the church. Lets be the leaders of this church. Lets show the church that not all young people are sleeping around and doing whatever, but we are putting God bang slap in the middle of our relationships and number one in our lives.
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